Whenever I had a major decision to make, I would get paralyzed with indecisiveness. I was terrified to make the wrong choice because I would put so much weight on making the right one. I thought that a single decision could f*ck up my life so I better think long and hard about it. It was exhausting. I’ve come to know that being on the fence about something is the most dangerous place to be – it depletes your resources, your energy and it keeps you stuck in a standstill that prevents you from taking action and moving forward.
I now know that not making a decision is also a choice; and often the wrong one. The rule that changed my life was ridiculously simple… just make a decision! If it turns out to be the wrong one then just make another decision. You are very rarely left without a choice. Life is a series of choices and they never end.
Life is like a flowchart, if you stop making decisions you won’t reach any results.
The truth is that you are never stuck, it may feel like that at times because the decision we have to make may be a very difficult one but we are rarely left without a choice. The only way we get stuck is by choosing to be stuck and telling ourselves we have no way out. It takes courage to make assertive choices that are in line with loving and honouring ourselves. Start making some power moves, make your choices with confidence and ease and know you can always just make another decision. You are never stuck.
Whenever I have to make a difficult decision I do the following 5 steps:
Step One: Get clear on the Options
Make a list of what your choices are: What are your options and different routes? Don’t get into too much detail. Our mind can rationalize just about anything so we don’t want to cloud our judgement. Keep it simple and to the point.
Step Two: Get Clear on the Influences
Time to get honest and ask yourself: What are the factors involved that are influencing these choices? Are there opinions or pressures from family or friends weighing in? Is there fear present in one of these choices?
Step Three: Get Your Meditation on:
Once you are clear about what outside pressures and influences exist, it’s time to meditate. Close your eyes and imagine that all your loved ones and those who surround you are free from judgement. Imagine they only have love, encouragement and support for you. Imagine there is no fear and no pressure. You feel complete freedom to be who you are, to do what you want to do and feel how you want to feel. You have total acceptance of yourself and the things that light you up. Sit with this feeling as long as you like.To receive a free meditation click here.
Step Four: Feel Through it
Time to get honest and ask yourself: How does each decision make you FEEL? I’m not asking you what your opinion of each is; I’m actually asking you to turn your rationalizing brain off, close your eyes and connect to how your body feels. Try not to imagine making the decision because that can bring up a lot of fear, instead imagine that the decision has been made and everyone supports you. With the fear gone, imagine playing out each of the decisions and ask yourself:
What are the feelings that come up?
How does your body feel?
How does your heart feel?
How is your breathing?
Which outcomes make you feel light? Excited? Happy? Motivated? Energized?
Which one makes you feel heavy? Tense? Uneasy? Anxious? Dull? Burned out?
Please Note: it’s very important to watch out for the ego trick – instant gratification over long-term purpose. To learn more click here.
Step Five: Action Plan
Once you know which decision to make, it is time to take action! Some decisions may actually require a plan; get clear on what steps you have to take to make it happen. Write out the steps with specific deadlines.
My suggestion to you, when it comes to making big decisions, is to get clear on whether or not other people’s opinions will be helpful. Sometimes this only complicates things and clouds your intuition and your judgement. Feel your way through it, know which one feels good to you, make the choice in your heart first and then tell others. You want to get to a place of knowing that won’t be swayed by other people’s opinions. You know deep down what the right choice is for YOU. Remember, if it turns out to be the wrong one….just make another decision. ;)